Christopher is pondering on this "complicated" relationship thing. Is it rocket science? Or do humans have too much tolerance for mess in their lives?... I really want to know.
I wonder if relationships are "complicated" because people are being selfish? Maybe too many friends have "benefits" and not real relationships. Maybe the purpose of the relationship is off. Is the purpose of "dating" is to look for a mate towards marriage, or to prevent the feeling of lonliness? Educate me.
Better yet...is God even a thought when it comes to these "relationships"? Is it the reason why the "relationship" is "complicated" in the first place? I don't know...tell me.
Is physical attraction enough to pursue a relationship? Should humans look for more than a good listener? A wise woman told me, "Look for a woman to build your vision, career-wise AND spiritually. A woman to pray in your place when you're not strong enough to do it yourself. And a woman should look for a man to build her, to build her spiritually to a woman God would be proud of." I could be wrong, but based off that alone, that prevents me from getting into anything "complicated".
Everyone in life has one thing in common, whether it's the neighborhood trapstar, the girl next door, a single mother, my brother...we all have one thing in common that we all want....happiness. But many of us tend to look towards money, boyfriends, girlsfriends, materialistic things...all except the trust source of such a beautiful thing...God.
Just a rambling...
the Dreamer
Saturday, December 29, 2007
That Feeling...
That Feeling...
Looking for a feeling…that feeling. The feeling above all feelings. The feeling of fulfillment. The feeling of confirmation. The feeling of completion…
All I know is what I've seen in a dream… I can't see her face, but I can sense her presence. When she walks, she glows. When she speaks…I can't help but to listen. She's quiet, but tactful. She is a leader. She knows how to make me pause…..a feat yet to be accomplished.
Though I have no clue of who this special being is, I still smile just knowing she exist and made just for me.
Time for me to sleep….
Looking for a feeling…that feeling. The feeling above all feelings. The feeling of fulfillment. The feeling of confirmation. The feeling of completion…
All I know is what I've seen in a dream… I can't see her face, but I can sense her presence. When she walks, she glows. When she speaks…I can't help but to listen. She's quiet, but tactful. She is a leader. She knows how to make me pause…..a feat yet to be accomplished.
Though I have no clue of who this special being is, I still smile just knowing she exist and made just for me.
Time for me to sleep….
The photo speaks for itself...
I tried writing whatever is on my mind, but....I can't. So much is going on. So many thoughts. Staying on top of things business-wise, at the same time, trying to maintain my so-called personal life. Trying to do right. Just minding my own business. Even though I'm a person of solitude, I always try to help and be there for others. I don't mind...I don't. But it becomes an issue when people take you for granted or even worse, take advantage of you. ...definitely a no-go. Taking my kindness for weakness is just something you don't do. And there has been a couple of people in my life that made that mistake. That's an offense I don't take lightly. Now...as a mature man, I'm not the type to argue, fuss, yell, cuss you out when violated. When there's a problem, I intend to find a solution. I like to talk things out face to face and resolve the issue. But when you try to get over, disrespect me and feel like you can talk to me or treat me any kind of way...I'm just going to look at you...then walk away. No more need for words. Because apparently, you're someone I don't need in my life. So....that's what inspired the photo. I was in the studio chatting with my roommate and the young woman in the photo about the situation and then the idea came to me. I would've did the photo myself, but she was there. She's a cutie. :) So I asked her to express my feelings for me in the photo. I think she did a great job... When I put the duct tape on her mouth, I told her that's how I like my women...quiet. LOL. ....i didn't really mean it. :)
The Fight is Beyond Me...
The Fight is Beyond Me...
I thank God for another day
I must die daily
In order to see the next day
I'm still in training
to be the man I must be
I still make mistakes
please forgive me, I mean no wrong
I keep dreaming...
I keep fighting...
Look into my soul, you can see my battle wounds
they consume my body like tattoos
every time I want to give up, I think of you
because I know you gain your strength from me
I cannot give in to Defeat like the other fallen Dreamers
My Dream is beyond me now and it must be completed.
Doubt and Fear steadily try to get the best of me
They are great enemies that I must face daily.
I fight for you and others I never even seen
But I know they can see me
I am being watched as this battle continues
as I pick up my sword
I wield with all my might
I must FIGHT
I MUST SHINE THE LIGHT!
that was placed in me.
Many want to be a leader
but very few want the responsibility
There's no rest in this world
I am drained...
and I continue on.
I fight for you, I fight for my fellow Dreamers that look up to me...
Your words, your hugs, your eyes...
they give me strength
they make me smile.
when I look into your eyes...
I want to tell you how much I love you.
But it's not the time for such words now.
I still have battles to fight.
All I can do right now is smile, and speak without words.
Deep down, you know I have something to say.
You can feel it. You know me so well.
But you let me go.
You trust my judgment.
My armor is strapped.
My sword is in hand.
We pray...
You kiss me...
I must be on my way.
I must return to the battlefield.
Until I return home again...
Sweet dreams...
I thank God for another day
I must die daily
In order to see the next day
I'm still in training
to be the man I must be
I still make mistakes
please forgive me, I mean no wrong
I keep dreaming...
I keep fighting...
Look into my soul, you can see my battle wounds
they consume my body like tattoos
every time I want to give up, I think of you
because I know you gain your strength from me
I cannot give in to Defeat like the other fallen Dreamers
My Dream is beyond me now and it must be completed.
Doubt and Fear steadily try to get the best of me
They are great enemies that I must face daily.
I fight for you and others I never even seen
But I know they can see me
I am being watched as this battle continues
as I pick up my sword
I wield with all my might
I must FIGHT
I MUST SHINE THE LIGHT!
that was placed in me.
Many want to be a leader
but very few want the responsibility
There's no rest in this world
I am drained...
and I continue on.
I fight for you, I fight for my fellow Dreamers that look up to me...
Your words, your hugs, your eyes...
they give me strength
they make me smile.
when I look into your eyes...
I want to tell you how much I love you.
But it's not the time for such words now.
I still have battles to fight.
All I can do right now is smile, and speak without words.
Deep down, you know I have something to say.
You can feel it. You know me so well.
But you let me go.
You trust my judgment.
My armor is strapped.
My sword is in hand.
We pray...
You kiss me...
I must be on my way.
I must return to the battlefield.
Until I return home again...
Sweet dreams...
Dream Chaser: Don’t Give Up...
Dream Chaser: Don't Give Up...
God gave us ALL an assignment...a Dream. When blessed with such a gift, very few of us pursue it. Most dreams are not pursued, mostly because of doubt and fear. Not me...I have accepted that challenge. Do I get scared? Yes. Do I sometimes lack faith? Yes. I'm going to be real with you, Dream Chasing is a scary career move, but very fulfilling. I refuse to settle for anything else. I refuse to settle for Plan B. This is it. This is all I have.
This past week, I endured many battles. The hardest of which included helping another fellow Dreamer. There's not many of us out there, so when I do come across one, I do my best to assist in ANY way I can. Even if it means giving my last. But I can't want it for you, I can only assist.
Two scriptures came to mind tonight...
Proverbs 3:5 (NLT)
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths."
Trust me. I don't know ANYTHING. I admitted that before. This world is crazy. There's so much I don't understand, but at the same time, everything happens for a reason. But Life is beyond Reason. So...what now? Well, I pray on it and keep it moving. I keep fighting. I keep chasing. I just do what I got to do. Often times, I chase and fight without even knowing the result. I just know God got it covered.
Habakkuk 3 (NLT)
"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed."
This helps me on my chase. We have to keep chasing, even if it feels like it's for nothing. Even if progress seems to have slowed to a standstill. We still have to push forward. A lot of people will doubt, hate, mislead, do ANYTHING to keep you from pursuing your Dream. But YOU KNOW your soul. YOU KNOW what's been instilled in you. Don't become a victim. Don't walk amongst the living dead.
DO NOT SETTLE!!! Refusing to chase a Dream is weak and selfish. That's one of the many lessons that I had to learn on this journey. I had to learn that it's beyond me. My Dream involves others. This year has been a true testament to that. If I fail, others will fail. If I succeed, many others will do the same. It's a web. A Dream is a blessing. And guess what?...blessing has a way of overflowing. It overflows to those around you. Chasing a Dream is not only an assignment from God, it is a duty.
You can pray for anything you want, but God gave us free will. We have to make that choice. The Chosen Ones are those who choose to be chosen...
I don't mean to come off so.... militant. But, it is a war. We are caught in the middle of spiritual warfare. Acknowledge it or not, it's going down. Don't be a victim. I'm fighting with you. Don't give up. I am here.... :)
Just a reminder. Keep dreaming. You will get there...
Goodnight.
Dreamer
A Tongue’s Twisted Ways...
A Tongue's Twisted Ways...
....Life is about many things, two of which includes living and learning. One excellent strategy I've noticed from Life...Life doesn't reveal what you know, but what you DON'T know. And more and more, day by day, I'm learning that I don't know ANYTHING! Everything I thought I knew, I really don't know. So, I'm sitting here like a sitting duck, twilling my thumbs, shutting up. I am DONE. Simply done.
James 3:7-8 (NLT)
"People can tame all kinds of animals and birds and reptiles and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is an uncontrollable evil, full of poison."
Of course, I recommend you go back and read the whole chapter in context to gain a full understanding. But, for now...I'm done. I don't even know why people even come to me with questions, because I have to be honest, I'm still trying to figure this thang out myself. I'm young, too. I know I act like I'm 55, but I'm still only 25. So, what do I know?
I'm not the type to go out and recklessly cuss out everyone I despise. No...that's too much work. I rather look at you like you're crazy and walk away. Not even give it a second thought. Over the years, I trained my mind to quickly grasp what I need to learn or gain from an experience, then move on to the next. I know I'm flawed. Call it impersonal. Call it insincere...and it may be. It really could be. But, I call it being time efficient. Life is way too short to dwell on what has past. ...but, all this is just my opinion. Not a fact. So, with this type of mentality, I become somewhat impatient and lack an understanding when people take longer than what I think is usual for someone to move on. And I will admit... that is wrong on my part.
Anyway... this is just a rant. All in all, I'm just trying to say, I think it's best for me to be silent. Even when you have good intentions, wrong choice of words can slip out and hurt someone. Words can deliver blows harder than a fist ever could.
Now that is off my chest. I'm going to put some duct tape over my mouth, poke a hole in the middle so I can fit a straw through, and sip on some orange juice and read a book.
Log out...
....Life is about many things, two of which includes living and learning. One excellent strategy I've noticed from Life...Life doesn't reveal what you know, but what you DON'T know. And more and more, day by day, I'm learning that I don't know ANYTHING! Everything I thought I knew, I really don't know. So, I'm sitting here like a sitting duck, twilling my thumbs, shutting up. I am DONE. Simply done.
James 3:7-8 (NLT)
"People can tame all kinds of animals and birds and reptiles and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is an uncontrollable evil, full of poison."
Of course, I recommend you go back and read the whole chapter in context to gain a full understanding. But, for now...I'm done. I don't even know why people even come to me with questions, because I have to be honest, I'm still trying to figure this thang out myself. I'm young, too. I know I act like I'm 55, but I'm still only 25. So, what do I know?
I'm not the type to go out and recklessly cuss out everyone I despise. No...that's too much work. I rather look at you like you're crazy and walk away. Not even give it a second thought. Over the years, I trained my mind to quickly grasp what I need to learn or gain from an experience, then move on to the next. I know I'm flawed. Call it impersonal. Call it insincere...and it may be. It really could be. But, I call it being time efficient. Life is way too short to dwell on what has past. ...but, all this is just my opinion. Not a fact. So, with this type of mentality, I become somewhat impatient and lack an understanding when people take longer than what I think is usual for someone to move on. And I will admit... that is wrong on my part.
Anyway... this is just a rant. All in all, I'm just trying to say, I think it's best for me to be silent. Even when you have good intentions, wrong choice of words can slip out and hurt someone. Words can deliver blows harder than a fist ever could.
Now that is off my chest. I'm going to put some duct tape over my mouth, poke a hole in the middle so I can fit a straw through, and sip on some orange juice and read a book.
Log out...
Excerpt of a Conversation…
Excerpt of a Conversation…
The queen spoke, "Question."
"Yes?"
"Why do you think I'm the One?"
I paused for a moment, thinking thoroughly before speaking. Then, I walked directly to her and looked into her eyes.
"Because whenever I say your name when you're not around… I glow.
My eyes light up.
My feet float.
My tongue only speaks praises…
Look…I don't know what the future holds.
I have no expectations, because I don't know what to expect.
I just want to be next to you. "
And I continued, "A wise teacher once said, 'She is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs with no fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions.' And I think I finally found that."
(Her silence said enough. I couldn't help but to smile.)
"Good day, Queen."
I walked away…
The queen spoke, "Question."
"Yes?"
"Why do you think I'm the One?"
I paused for a moment, thinking thoroughly before speaking. Then, I walked directly to her and looked into her eyes.
"Because whenever I say your name when you're not around… I glow.
My eyes light up.
My feet float.
My tongue only speaks praises…
Look…I don't know what the future holds.
I have no expectations, because I don't know what to expect.
I just want to be next to you. "
And I continued, "A wise teacher once said, 'She is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs with no fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions.' And I think I finally found that."
(Her silence said enough. I couldn't help but to smile.)
"Good day, Queen."
I walked away…
Sense of Faith
Sense of Faith
Hebrews 11:1
(NLT version)
"What is Faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see."
"we cannot yet see"…which means will eventually see. Not "hope to see" or "maybe see", but "will see." Faith is not a figment of your imagination. Faith may be intangible, but it is real. As a Dreamer, you need that reminder.
My Dreams consist of many things. One of them, I realize I cannot have right now. I can look, but I can't touch. It sucks…
I really dislike wanting something I cannot have.
I go through a variety of emotions…hurt, sadness, doubt.
But, what can I do?
I have to shake it off and let it go. I have to keep pushing forward.
…it still hurts, but I must push on.
Then, I remember… I WILL HAVE, because Faith said so.
Hebrews 11:1
(NLT version)
"What is Faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see."
"we cannot yet see"…which means will eventually see. Not "hope to see" or "maybe see", but "will see." Faith is not a figment of your imagination. Faith may be intangible, but it is real. As a Dreamer, you need that reminder.
My Dreams consist of many things. One of them, I realize I cannot have right now. I can look, but I can't touch. It sucks…
I really dislike wanting something I cannot have.
I go through a variety of emotions…hurt, sadness, doubt.
But, what can I do?
I have to shake it off and let it go. I have to keep pushing forward.
…it still hurts, but I must push on.
Then, I remember… I WILL HAVE, because Faith said so.
The Battle Within
The Battle Within
I'm knee-deep in thoughts I can't explain
Whoever said life is stranger than fiction
Now, I understand
I'm experiencing feelings I rarely felt before
I think I'm falling in love, but I'm not really sure
My head is a wreck because I don't know which road to go
What society deems right, doesn't feel so right anymore
I'm telling and begging my heart that she isn't the one.
But these feelings I cannot avoid
These feelings I cannot ignore
So, what the heck should I do?
When I dream, all I see is me and you
Is it possible for us to love each other?
We're the same yet we're opposite
We're live in two different worlds
So I keep these feelings on a short, tight lease
But the more I tug, the more these feelings act like a beast
How long can I keep this up?
How long can I keep these feelings down?
My feelings are way too deep
It may be too late to turn around
As I keep pushing forward
The tunnel is looking dark
I don't know where I'm going
I don't know where we are
All I know, is these feelings are for you
If your heart can hear me, blow me a kiss or two
Of all the confusion, I know a few things are true
(singing)
That the stars in your eyes, lights up my sky
Your southern accent carries like the sweetest lullaby
So strong, yet so soft
The perfect companion by my side
You are my queen…
These feelings for you that I carry are heavy
But I don't mind
For I know that all great things take time
We'll meet eye to eye in God's appropriate time…
The King's Garden
The King's Garden
The King invited me to His garden to see His latest harvest.
He said I can choose any fruit out His garden, but I can only choose one.
Many are good, but only one was specifically made for me.
I'm thinking, "Great. But am I a little old to play hide-and-seek? Why don't go ahead and show me the one set aside for me?"
The King smiled…
Right then, I knew He just read my thoughts.
Not holding my sarcasm against me, the King just says, "Seek and you shall find."
His garden is so vast and beautiful.
So many fruits to choose from
Only one choice to make.
How can I choose only one when I'm in love with so many?
I love her thoughts
I love her hair
Fruit 01
I love her…eyes.
That's the few pair of parts on a woman that ever capture my attention. (smirk)
Fruit 02
I love the way she hugs me SOOOO tight, every time she greets me. I could hug her forever and a day.
Fruit 03
I love her ideas. I never have seen a woman's mind that is as spontaneous and artistic as mine. I find it so sexy, because she puts those ideas to action as quickly as she gets them. Gotta love her drive.
Fruit 04
I love the way she cooks. She always seasons her food with passion and love. Perfect every time…
Fruit 05
I love her "I'm a grown woman" attitude. She has a walk that syncs with my heartbeat. She walks up to me, looks dead in my eyes…they're so serious, yet so sexy. All she says is "Dreamer, it's about that time…" Never so quickly, I shut down my computer, close down the studio, put up equipment and float up the stairs.
Fruit 06
I just love the way she's made, everything about her from head to the toes. I love her curvy figure and perfect imperfections. A beautiful, walking art piece only the King himself can make. When she enters a room, it smells of fresh fruit and cocoa butter. Sensual, yet delicious. It may not make sense, but she grabs the attention of all my senses.
Fruit 07
I love her understanding ways. The way she falls back and standby. Her attitude of assistance, rather than interfere.
Fruit 08
I love seeing her relationship with God mature. I love it when she calls randomly with questions about what she read and how God is in control. I love seeing the difference of how she reacts to certain situations. I love how she prays first instead of throwing a bow.
I love them all…but will I ever find all those characteristics in one?
Seem like a pipe dream, but I continue to search through the garden. And continue my search for the fruit set aside for me.
I'm a Dreamer…I always find what I believe.
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