"Bored people bore me" -Dreamer
There's too many things to be done. Too many dreams to chase. Too many goals to accomplish. How can anyone be so bored and live? Another thought...
"When you lack Passion, you lack Life. You're walking dead."
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
My Father...
This is probably the first time I've written anything about my biological family at all...
Today, I had the opportunity to have lunch with my father. It was him, his lady friend (never met her before), my teenage brother and myself. Overall, it was good seeing him. For the most part, it was casual conversation. Updating him on my Dream Chase and other things.
During the whole time I was with him, I was just thinking... My father is a flawed man like any other man. He is one of those fathers that fathered children with multiple women. Once upon a time, he was married (not to my mother). But now... he's just a single, hardworking man. He's a grandfather now. Relationships, marriage is always a topic of conversation for a man my age. Many consider me wise for my age. I may know a lot of things, but there's still I don't know. But there's thing I do know...my father wasn't built for marriage. Ask his exes. lol. But seriously...I believe he's a good guy. Just a bad husband. As a father... the verdict is still out. I can easily say "no" considering that he wasn't around when I was growing up. But that would be unfair considering that I don't know all the facts. I don't know what was going on back then when I was a baby, or the details about the relationship he had with my mother before my conception. I lack too many details to come to a conclusion about his fathering skills towards me or any other of my siblings (I'm the only child with my mother).
So I was listening to a few stories about his father, my grandfather. I was listening, but at the same time, I was wondering what was my father's thought process when he became my father...or a father to any of us. Did he want to be around? Did he ever imagine having a son to take under his wing and build him into a strong black man? Were we an inconvenience? I wonder... One day, I plan to sit down, pick his brain and ask him. There's no rush knowing, though. Just a thought.
More and more over the past year, I have noticed I carry a lot of his traits. He likes to be alone, he enjoys his solitude, he loves watching movies, he like things exactly his way, he loves women, he don't like a woman that has a lot of mouth. When he's pissed, he's pissed...it takes a lot for him to calm down. He enjoys fresh air. He loves to keep Life simple. ....I carry those traits. Those traits come with a hint of selfishness. Yet, he's willing to help others. Especially, when it comes to family. He loves his family. I haven't been around him that much throughout my life, but I can sense that a mile away. So...like any other human, there's good and bad. Never thought I would see so much of my self in him...or should I say him in me. Its quite a revelation.
After spending time with my father, I had a meeting with a future bride. She's beautiful, intelligent and very excited about getting married in the coming months. Her smile made me smile. I could tell she's a genuine person. Her mother was right there with her, just as happy. I can tell she raised her well. This bride is ready to be joined into one with her best friend. She's willing to lose a part of self to gain self. A transformation she's looking for to. She's willing to lose her life to gain a new life with him. ....that is deep. I honestly don't know if I'm willing to do that. I'm beginning to understand what the apostle Paul was saying. Andre 3000 yelled the same thing, "DON'T DO IT, ICE COLD!!!" LOL. Dude was serious. But on the other side of things, words from my pastor is whispering, "Marriage is the best thing to happen to me besides salvation". One vision, I see myself living a full life as a single man...alone, but free. Free with no obligation to anyone else. Living a happy life with a void. No wife. No kids. ...The other vision is the complete opposite. I marry the love of my life. The missing piece to my puzzle. Living in a God-ordained marriage, kids...ups and downs but complete fulfillment.
... I'm human. I'm so human. Yes, I'm a Dreamer. I have the traits, the passion, the thoughts of a Dreamer. But sometimes I have to remember that I'm still part-human as well. The human side of me is a man of doubt, flaws and selfishness. I like being alone. I don't like being alone. Its sounds like a contradiction, but to me it makes perfect sense. Today, I didn't to any conclusion. I don't expect to find a answer to these life questions anything soon. But I think today was a productive day. It gave an insight. I learned something about myself. I guess in the end...that's all I can ask for...
Today, I had the opportunity to have lunch with my father. It was him, his lady friend (never met her before), my teenage brother and myself. Overall, it was good seeing him. For the most part, it was casual conversation. Updating him on my Dream Chase and other things.
During the whole time I was with him, I was just thinking... My father is a flawed man like any other man. He is one of those fathers that fathered children with multiple women. Once upon a time, he was married (not to my mother). But now... he's just a single, hardworking man. He's a grandfather now. Relationships, marriage is always a topic of conversation for a man my age. Many consider me wise for my age. I may know a lot of things, but there's still I don't know. But there's thing I do know...my father wasn't built for marriage. Ask his exes. lol. But seriously...I believe he's a good guy. Just a bad husband. As a father... the verdict is still out. I can easily say "no" considering that he wasn't around when I was growing up. But that would be unfair considering that I don't know all the facts. I don't know what was going on back then when I was a baby, or the details about the relationship he had with my mother before my conception. I lack too many details to come to a conclusion about his fathering skills towards me or any other of my siblings (I'm the only child with my mother).
So I was listening to a few stories about his father, my grandfather. I was listening, but at the same time, I was wondering what was my father's thought process when he became my father...or a father to any of us. Did he want to be around? Did he ever imagine having a son to take under his wing and build him into a strong black man? Were we an inconvenience? I wonder... One day, I plan to sit down, pick his brain and ask him. There's no rush knowing, though. Just a thought.
More and more over the past year, I have noticed I carry a lot of his traits. He likes to be alone, he enjoys his solitude, he loves watching movies, he like things exactly his way, he loves women, he don't like a woman that has a lot of mouth. When he's pissed, he's pissed...it takes a lot for him to calm down. He enjoys fresh air. He loves to keep Life simple. ....I carry those traits. Those traits come with a hint of selfishness. Yet, he's willing to help others. Especially, when it comes to family. He loves his family. I haven't been around him that much throughout my life, but I can sense that a mile away. So...like any other human, there's good and bad. Never thought I would see so much of my self in him...or should I say him in me. Its quite a revelation.
After spending time with my father, I had a meeting with a future bride. She's beautiful, intelligent and very excited about getting married in the coming months. Her smile made me smile. I could tell she's a genuine person. Her mother was right there with her, just as happy. I can tell she raised her well. This bride is ready to be joined into one with her best friend. She's willing to lose a part of self to gain self. A transformation she's looking for to. She's willing to lose her life to gain a new life with him. ....that is deep. I honestly don't know if I'm willing to do that. I'm beginning to understand what the apostle Paul was saying. Andre 3000 yelled the same thing, "DON'T DO IT, ICE COLD!!!" LOL. Dude was serious. But on the other side of things, words from my pastor is whispering, "Marriage is the best thing to happen to me besides salvation". One vision, I see myself living a full life as a single man...alone, but free. Free with no obligation to anyone else. Living a happy life with a void. No wife. No kids. ...The other vision is the complete opposite. I marry the love of my life. The missing piece to my puzzle. Living in a God-ordained marriage, kids...ups and downs but complete fulfillment.
... I'm human. I'm so human. Yes, I'm a Dreamer. I have the traits, the passion, the thoughts of a Dreamer. But sometimes I have to remember that I'm still part-human as well. The human side of me is a man of doubt, flaws and selfishness. I like being alone. I don't like being alone. Its sounds like a contradiction, but to me it makes perfect sense. Today, I didn't to any conclusion. I don't expect to find a answer to these life questions anything soon. But I think today was a productive day. It gave an insight. I learned something about myself. I guess in the end...that's all I can ask for...
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Thoughts...
"Actions breathe life into Ideas."
"An Idea not followed by Action is dead."
"Actions is the connecting point that transcends Dreams into Reality. That Action must be powered by Faith." -Dreamer
"An Idea not followed by Action is dead."
"Actions is the connecting point that transcends Dreams into Reality. That Action must be powered by Faith." -Dreamer
My Heart... Exposed
My Heart... Exposed
The thoughts of the Dreamer
Christopher Bell and Trevor Terry
I am worried
because is Dangerous
methodically
making love to me through the lens
teasing my senses...
I wish I were senseless
so I wouldn't feel this
but I am a human being
honest
you are not in love with me
you are fascinated with my gift
not my soul
you cherish what i
know,
what we can create,
why can't you see that there's so much more to appreciate
if we were to be together
we could commit to more than just a common goal
we would become so much more
but the price of that sacrifice
may end up being more than I can afford.
So what must I do
to finally undress the real you?
I can only hope my pen finds success
in reaching beyond the actress.
I want to uncover the girl you're protecting
beneath the surface
because there's much more of you
I would love to discover...
But I don't know my next step
I can only wait
and pray that Patience
is stronger than Fate.
I am offering you all I have
there is nothing left for me to communicate
and I only want Honesty in return
stop hiding
I am only as transparent as you make me
only you have the power
to save me from all this future pain
rescue me from myself
and please
don't let my heart
have been exposed in vain.
I wish to talk to the Real you
not the person you choose to be
whenever you are around me
or the woman you want the world to see
no,
I long to caress your true identity...
The thoughts of the Dreamer
Christopher Bell and Trevor Terry
I am worried
because is Dangerous
methodically
making love to me through the lens
teasing my senses...
I wish I were senseless
so I wouldn't feel this
but I am a human being
honest
you are not in love with me
you are fascinated with my gift
not my soul
you cherish what i
know,
what we can create,
why can't you see that there's so much more to appreciate
if we were to be together
we could commit to more than just a common goal
we would become so much more
but the price of that sacrifice
may end up being more than I can afford.
So what must I do
to finally undress the real you?
I can only hope my pen finds success
in reaching beyond the actress.
I want to uncover the girl you're protecting
beneath the surface
because there's much more of you
I would love to discover...
But I don't know my next step
I can only wait
and pray that Patience
is stronger than Fate.
I am offering you all I have
there is nothing left for me to communicate
and I only want Honesty in return
stop hiding
I am only as transparent as you make me
only you have the power
to save me from all this future pain
rescue me from myself
and please
don't let my heart
have been exposed in vain.
I wish to talk to the Real you
not the person you choose to be
whenever you are around me
or the woman you want the world to see
no,
I long to caress your true identity...
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Quote/Thought
"Yes, I still love you, but don't think I'm waiting on you..."
I may not be able to control my feelings, but I can control my actions.
I may not be able to control my feelings, but I can control my actions.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Thoughts: Queen Potential
Tentative Title: “Queen Potential”
When I first laid eyes on her, I didn’t understand
My attraction to the woman before me
We didn’t exchange a word
I knew nothing of her
But there was something about her
I had to approach her…
Fast Forward
We talk all the time
She’s the first voice I hear in the morning
She’s the last voice I hear before I sleep
The more we talk, the more I wonder...
Is she…the Queen?
We went from casual conversation
To deep intelligent mental selections
From a respect of her being
To asking God if she’s the one for me
Beautiful, intelligent, witty, goofy, godly
Strong, weak, perfection and flawed
Honesty and all
A gift for a king…
When I first laid eyes on her, I didn’t understand
My attraction to the woman before me
We didn’t exchange a word
I knew nothing of her
But there was something about her
I had to approach her…
Fast Forward
We talk all the time
She’s the first voice I hear in the morning
She’s the last voice I hear before I sleep
The more we talk, the more I wonder...
Is she…the Queen?
We went from casual conversation
To deep intelligent mental selections
From a respect of her being
To asking God if she’s the one for me
Beautiful, intelligent, witty, goofy, godly
Strong, weak, perfection and flawed
Honesty and all
A gift for a king…
Conversations: "I ____ you..."
Tentative Title: “I ____ you…”
Christopher Bell
“I ____ you…
I ____ you so much…”
Those blanks represent the feelings I have for her, but there’s no word to describe it. I’m not in Love. I am familiar with that feeling. Those blanks represent a combination of respect, passion, lust, attraction, and admiration. I’m not in Love…far from it. It’s too soon for that. But I do like her a lot. I can look into her eyes and say everything without saying anything. There’s a possibility those blanks can be turned into Love eventually in the future. But for now…I rather for us to enjoy the season as it is. But as time continues, I know her feelings are getting deeper and deeper. Every time I speak to her. Every time I look into her eyes…I can tell. It’s a eerie feeling to know that she holds me in such high esteem. I guess I just feel a little uncomfortable knowing I can’t return those same feelings. Not yet, anyway.
My feelings for her is beyond Like
But, it’s not quite Love
The blank is more of a feeling in between
A nonexistent word
Yet a strong feeling that can’t be denied
Every time I look into her eyes
As I lay my hands on her chocolate thighs
I utter “I ____ you…”
It’s a feeling of passion
It’s beyond physical attraction
It’s a hybrid of Love and Lust
A mutual respect
It’s crazy, because I crave your Character
A lust after your Selflessness
I wanna taste your Wisdom
I enjoy making you laugh
I listen intently to your wisdom
Your wants for becoming a better woman
I love sucking your delicious lips…
Christopher Bell
“I ____ you…
I ____ you so much…”
Those blanks represent the feelings I have for her, but there’s no word to describe it. I’m not in Love. I am familiar with that feeling. Those blanks represent a combination of respect, passion, lust, attraction, and admiration. I’m not in Love…far from it. It’s too soon for that. But I do like her a lot. I can look into her eyes and say everything without saying anything. There’s a possibility those blanks can be turned into Love eventually in the future. But for now…I rather for us to enjoy the season as it is. But as time continues, I know her feelings are getting deeper and deeper. Every time I speak to her. Every time I look into her eyes…I can tell. It’s a eerie feeling to know that she holds me in such high esteem. I guess I just feel a little uncomfortable knowing I can’t return those same feelings. Not yet, anyway.
My feelings for her is beyond Like
But, it’s not quite Love
The blank is more of a feeling in between
A nonexistent word
Yet a strong feeling that can’t be denied
Every time I look into her eyes
As I lay my hands on her chocolate thighs
I utter “I ____ you…”
It’s a feeling of passion
It’s beyond physical attraction
It’s a hybrid of Love and Lust
A mutual respect
It’s crazy, because I crave your Character
A lust after your Selflessness
I wanna taste your Wisdom
I enjoy making you laugh
I listen intently to your wisdom
Your wants for becoming a better woman
I love sucking your delicious lips…
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Conversations: Pillowtalk
"...That's usually how it happens. Its what I like about you. I am reckless, impulsive and able to throw my inhibitions away and enjoy pure hedonism."
When she speaks...its like poetry. I couldn't do anything but pause. I was speechless. I was honored. I smiled... My mind doesn't stay offline long. It was only moments before my mind, along with my consciousness, began to reboot and turn back on. In the dark room, my mind continued its journey of tangents and thoughts. God, work, lust,dreams, women, love...the story of my life.That constant reminder of my flawed nature. Struggling to find a balance of life that's impossible yet I continue to search for it each and every day of my life. My life is filled with daily struggles with pockets of joy and momentary bliss. Don't get me wrong. I love my life. I am very blessed with a gift that inspires people. Passion runs through my veins and keeps me strong. I'm a weathered soldier, a good leader and friend. Overall, my life is quite peaceful. I'm just aware of my shortcomings as well. The shortcomings that keeps me humble and remind me...I'm no better than anyone else. I'm not a "good guy". I'm a man of morals, but still have a part of me that's cutthroat and numb. I consider myself an opportunist, a realist.
(thinking...)
(looking into her eyes...)
She knows a lot of things about me. She can see a lot of things in me. Yet, she knows nothing about me. Then again...maybe she does. Maybe she fully understands and respects me for who I am...flaws and all. Hmmm...
When she speaks...its like poetry. I couldn't do anything but pause. I was speechless. I was honored. I smiled... My mind doesn't stay offline long. It was only moments before my mind, along with my consciousness, began to reboot and turn back on. In the dark room, my mind continued its journey of tangents and thoughts. God, work, lust,dreams, women, love...the story of my life.That constant reminder of my flawed nature. Struggling to find a balance of life that's impossible yet I continue to search for it each and every day of my life. My life is filled with daily struggles with pockets of joy and momentary bliss. Don't get me wrong. I love my life. I am very blessed with a gift that inspires people. Passion runs through my veins and keeps me strong. I'm a weathered soldier, a good leader and friend. Overall, my life is quite peaceful. I'm just aware of my shortcomings as well. The shortcomings that keeps me humble and remind me...I'm no better than anyone else. I'm not a "good guy". I'm a man of morals, but still have a part of me that's cutthroat and numb. I consider myself an opportunist, a realist.
(thinking...)
(looking into her eyes...)
She knows a lot of things about me. She can see a lot of things in me. Yet, she knows nothing about me. Then again...maybe she does. Maybe she fully understands and respects me for who I am...flaws and all. Hmmm...
Thought of the Day
"Those who consistently say they have haters, usually don't have any haters at all. Its just a cry for attention."
King Dreamer
King Dreamer
Friday, September 25, 2009
Unfortunately Human
Unfortunately Human
I am a leader
I am a king
I am flawed
I am a man
I am a walking contradiction…
I will disappoint
I am mean
I am kind
I am passionate
I am a man
I am a walking contradiction…
I live my life striving to be the best man I can
I will succeed
I will fail
I love my God
I lust after curves
I crave after physical satisifaction
That’s how it is
Not saying I am right
But this is who I am
I try my best, but my best will never be enough
Give me high expectations and I promise that I will not always meet them
Unfortunately…I’m only human
I am a leader
I am a king
I am flawed
I am a man
I am a walking contradiction…
I will disappoint
I am mean
I am kind
I am passionate
I am a man
I am a walking contradiction…
I live my life striving to be the best man I can
I will succeed
I will fail
I love my God
I lust after curves
I crave after physical satisifaction
That’s how it is
Not saying I am right
But this is who I am
I try my best, but my best will never be enough
Give me high expectations and I promise that I will not always meet them
Unfortunately…I’m only human
Monday, September 21, 2009
A thought...
"Young boys throw it in the microwave, grown men place it in the slow cooker..."
-the Dreamer
-the Dreamer
Saturday, July 25, 2009
I don’t want a Wifey…
I don’t want a Wifey…
“A wifey is just an over-glorified girlfriend…”
Wifey is a term that men (or grown boys) selfishly created. A wifey is nothing more than a trophy girlfriend with the appearance of a wife. Its like a front. Why would I want that?
What really trips me out how men sold it as something women should aspire to be. And I have to give it to them, they sold it well. They really did. There are a lot of women out there bragging that they’re “wifeys”. It’s like men getting all the benefits without the marital commitment. Honestly…think about it. Why would a man want to “put a ring on it” if he’s getting everything without it? He has no reason to step up and further that commitment. Just being honest.
Battle of the Heart
“If you battle for the heart…you will always lose…”
The heart is something that has to be given to you. It’s a gift, not necessarily something to be fought for. But it is something that you should strive for. You should work for the heart. Just don’t try to snatch it. I believe if its meant to be yours, you will receive it. Or let me put it in lamer terms… Don’t try to snatch someone away from someone else. Everyone has the gift of freewill. Everything starts with a decision.
“A wifey is just an over-glorified girlfriend…”
Wifey is a term that men (or grown boys) selfishly created. A wifey is nothing more than a trophy girlfriend with the appearance of a wife. Its like a front. Why would I want that?
What really trips me out how men sold it as something women should aspire to be. And I have to give it to them, they sold it well. They really did. There are a lot of women out there bragging that they’re “wifeys”. It’s like men getting all the benefits without the marital commitment. Honestly…think about it. Why would a man want to “put a ring on it” if he’s getting everything without it? He has no reason to step up and further that commitment. Just being honest.
Battle of the Heart
“If you battle for the heart…you will always lose…”
The heart is something that has to be given to you. It’s a gift, not necessarily something to be fought for. But it is something that you should strive for. You should work for the heart. Just don’t try to snatch it. I believe if its meant to be yours, you will receive it. Or let me put it in lamer terms… Don’t try to snatch someone away from someone else. Everyone has the gift of freewill. Everything starts with a decision.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Conversations: Pillowtalk
From the chapter, Conversations: Pillowtalk.
Words between the Dreamer and Queen Potential
“...thank you for being you. Thank you for being here for me. I’m horny. Lol. But for real…I miss holding you, kissing you, holding your soft hands. I’m so glad to have you next to me… I know I need to get up, but I just wanna lay here with you. Besides…I’m so lovin’ your silky thighs on top of me… sexyyyy.” *kiss*
She is my Reminder. She reminded me everything I ever wanted in a woman. Over the past few years, I allowed Reality to seep into my Dream. I was injected with Compromise and didn’t even know it. It took for me to see her Character to realize what I lost sight of. No one is perfect, true enough. But it’s the fact that she acknowledges her imperfections. Of all the great qualities she processes, I think what really attracts me to her is her Honesty. She’s so honest and genuine. And the way I speak and write about her, it seems like I make her into some kind of goddess or something. But she’ll be the first to tell you..she’s just a simple woman. Trying to find her way like everyone else, be closer to God. But she’s REAL about it. She’s quick to tell me what she knows and don’t know, and her willingness to learn as she go. While everyone is playing the selfish strategy, she’s being completely selfless. She gets it. Our situation or circumstance may not be perfect, but as long as both of us remain completely honest and open…it’s okay. We can work through it.
From Queen Potential…
“Right now, I can honestly say I’m not thinking what am I going to do with you. I’m thinking what can’t I do with you.”
“…and you are my king. You move me. You bring out the woman that I should be. Dreamer, you make me feel incredible. I’m still learning. But, I’m willing to learn with you in my life.”
“You’re such a blessing Dreamer. But, I don’t know if you’re my blessing.”
Her Prayer:
God, let us not follow our own desires, but seek your will. In a situation where only your understanding is key. Help us to listen to your voice. Help us to put you first in all that we do. And allow you to take full control over our lives. You said that if we have faith the size of a mustard seed, we could move mountains. Help us to hold on to that faith. Be with the Dreamer and I each and every day. In Jesus name, Amen.
Words between the Dreamer and Queen Potential
“...thank you for being you. Thank you for being here for me. I’m horny. Lol. But for real…I miss holding you, kissing you, holding your soft hands. I’m so glad to have you next to me… I know I need to get up, but I just wanna lay here with you. Besides…I’m so lovin’ your silky thighs on top of me… sexyyyy.” *kiss*
She is my Reminder. She reminded me everything I ever wanted in a woman. Over the past few years, I allowed Reality to seep into my Dream. I was injected with Compromise and didn’t even know it. It took for me to see her Character to realize what I lost sight of. No one is perfect, true enough. But it’s the fact that she acknowledges her imperfections. Of all the great qualities she processes, I think what really attracts me to her is her Honesty. She’s so honest and genuine. And the way I speak and write about her, it seems like I make her into some kind of goddess or something. But she’ll be the first to tell you..she’s just a simple woman. Trying to find her way like everyone else, be closer to God. But she’s REAL about it. She’s quick to tell me what she knows and don’t know, and her willingness to learn as she go. While everyone is playing the selfish strategy, she’s being completely selfless. She gets it. Our situation or circumstance may not be perfect, but as long as both of us remain completely honest and open…it’s okay. We can work through it.
From Queen Potential…
“Right now, I can honestly say I’m not thinking what am I going to do with you. I’m thinking what can’t I do with you.”
“…and you are my king. You move me. You bring out the woman that I should be. Dreamer, you make me feel incredible. I’m still learning. But, I’m willing to learn with you in my life.”
“You’re such a blessing Dreamer. But, I don’t know if you’re my blessing.”
Her Prayer:
God, let us not follow our own desires, but seek your will. In a situation where only your understanding is key. Help us to listen to your voice. Help us to put you first in all that we do. And allow you to take full control over our lives. You said that if we have faith the size of a mustard seed, we could move mountains. Help us to hold on to that faith. Be with the Dreamer and I each and every day. In Jesus name, Amen.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
What am I going to do with you?...
"What am I going to do with you?..."
That's her response in laughter to my words. My random thoughts and sayings tickle her so much. I can imagine her almost sharing tears laughing as I tell her about my day.
"What am I going to do with you?...", she says jokingly. But at the same time, I know she is serious. Its funny how we both laugh as we lie together in the dark. Her warm smooth skin, snugged right next to me. I enjoy our nightly pillowtalk. But we're both asking ourselves the very same question. What are we going to do? As much as I stay to myself, I occasionally find myself in these "complex" situations. Many say Love is complex. I disagree, because what most of us experience isn't Love...its like "Pre-Love". Its like you're riding the path to Love and once you realize you're on that path...you become scared. And you scared, because you become vulnerable. You're vulnerable because this path cannot be predicted. You're riding the path blindly, taking your chances. It's risky, its a thrill, its scary, but you loving every second of it. :) At the same time, you're thinking of that old saying: "Hope for the best, expect the worst.” But I try not to bother myself with these thoughts during these moments. I enjoy her company. She enjoy mine. Simple as that.
We haven’t known each other long. But we talk as if we been the best of friends for months. Its crazy. I love it when I can have initial chemistry but it really bother me when its too good, you know? I have this personal belief that its good to keep the fire going, but not blazing for too long…or else it will burn out. So I try to walk this fine line of keeping the fire burning constantly at a steady pace. It’s apparent that our feelings disagree. Each word, each moment drives our emotions crazy. We found ourselves at this passionate stage of our friendship so fast. I hate it. I love it. I’m scared as hell. Remember “Disappearance of Innocence”? (reference: the first book, The Queen and I) I’m really trying not to relive that. But who knows what the future holds? …well, besides God of course. Lol.
We have this saying…”Don’t run from it!!!” *smiles* We talk, we play, we wrestle. Get to the point when she pins me down. (I always let her win.) She’s on top of me. She looks down on me with this pretty smile. I’m looking up enjoying the view. And this time, she says again…”What am I going to do with you? Maybe I need to stop talking to you.” I smile and tell her, “Don’t run from it!!! Embrace it!!!” and I proceed to tickle her. I really care about her.
I imagine most of us been through this before. You meet someone. It starts out so innocent and casual. Then BAMMM!!!! Your emotions are running wild. You have no control. That fire of passion is burning hot and fast. All you can do is hold on and try not to let go. ….but then, the season is over so soon. It’s short-lived. And I don’t want that to happen with this. I hope and like to see this grow. But what can we do but wait and see?...
(thinking silently…)
I’ve learned or at least I think I did…we shouldn’t over analyze these situations or over-complicate them. Just take it back to the basics… I enjoy her. She enjoy me. That is all that matters right now…
That's her response in laughter to my words. My random thoughts and sayings tickle her so much. I can imagine her almost sharing tears laughing as I tell her about my day.
"What am I going to do with you?...", she says jokingly. But at the same time, I know she is serious. Its funny how we both laugh as we lie together in the dark. Her warm smooth skin, snugged right next to me. I enjoy our nightly pillowtalk. But we're both asking ourselves the very same question. What are we going to do? As much as I stay to myself, I occasionally find myself in these "complex" situations. Many say Love is complex. I disagree, because what most of us experience isn't Love...its like "Pre-Love". Its like you're riding the path to Love and once you realize you're on that path...you become scared. And you scared, because you become vulnerable. You're vulnerable because this path cannot be predicted. You're riding the path blindly, taking your chances. It's risky, its a thrill, its scary, but you loving every second of it. :) At the same time, you're thinking of that old saying: "Hope for the best, expect the worst.” But I try not to bother myself with these thoughts during these moments. I enjoy her company. She enjoy mine. Simple as that.
We haven’t known each other long. But we talk as if we been the best of friends for months. Its crazy. I love it when I can have initial chemistry but it really bother me when its too good, you know? I have this personal belief that its good to keep the fire going, but not blazing for too long…or else it will burn out. So I try to walk this fine line of keeping the fire burning constantly at a steady pace. It’s apparent that our feelings disagree. Each word, each moment drives our emotions crazy. We found ourselves at this passionate stage of our friendship so fast. I hate it. I love it. I’m scared as hell. Remember “Disappearance of Innocence”? (reference: the first book, The Queen and I) I’m really trying not to relive that. But who knows what the future holds? …well, besides God of course. Lol.
We have this saying…”Don’t run from it!!!” *smiles* We talk, we play, we wrestle. Get to the point when she pins me down. (I always let her win.) She’s on top of me. She looks down on me with this pretty smile. I’m looking up enjoying the view. And this time, she says again…”What am I going to do with you? Maybe I need to stop talking to you.” I smile and tell her, “Don’t run from it!!! Embrace it!!!” and I proceed to tickle her. I really care about her.
I imagine most of us been through this before. You meet someone. It starts out so innocent and casual. Then BAMMM!!!! Your emotions are running wild. You have no control. That fire of passion is burning hot and fast. All you can do is hold on and try not to let go. ….but then, the season is over so soon. It’s short-lived. And I don’t want that to happen with this. I hope and like to see this grow. But what can we do but wait and see?...
(thinking silently…)
I’ve learned or at least I think I did…we shouldn’t over analyze these situations or over-complicate them. Just take it back to the basics… I enjoy her. She enjoy me. That is all that matters right now…
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Scenario: Love or Logic
Scenario: Love or Logic
“….You can’t control your emotions, but you CAN control your actions. Act wisely.” -Blue
It is time. I can’t run from it any longer. I have to face my fear. For months, I hoped I never had to address it. I tried forgetting about it. Failed. I tried keeping my distance. Failed. And now…here I am standing face to face with one of the hardest things I ever have to do… express my feelings.
Funny, huh? My life consists of speaking in front of my peers, to lead, give advice, make hard decisions…doing things others don’t like to do. Yeah…some of that is hard. But compared to expressing your innermost feelings to someone, it’s nothing. You’re vulnerable. That brick wall surrounding your heart is torn down. I think the hardest part of it all is the fact I can’t foresee its conclusion. I’m an analyzer. I like to step back and analyze the whole playing field. Its like chess…I try to stay moves ahead of everyone else. I try to predict their movements, their reactions. I try to think of every possibility. So when its game time, time to face the situation…I’m comfortable. I pretty much thought everything out. I like to think that I thought about their reactions before they did. I analyze for sport. I eliminate all opportunities for surprises. Both feet are grounded and ready for anything. It’s a good feeling…
But when it comes to Love… I think that’s when God really shows his sense of humor. He takes my Logic and tosses it out the window. The same rules don’t apply here. My insight is eliminated. I have no inside information. Its like God blindfolds me, and I’m forced to play in the dark. Hate it. Lol. But at the same time, I can appreciate its mystery. Its eerily exciting. It makes me nervous. I become anxious. And knowing Logic is useless in this arena, I still try to use it. …it sucks.
So now…here I am. The one that usually gives advice, is asking for it. I’m heavy in prayer. Asking God more questions starting with “why?”. Everything happens for a reason. And I’m always trying to figure out what it is. But when it comes to Love…no luck. So…what do you do? What any man in my position would do…face the fear. Live a life with no regrets. I know she knows. I also know she’s been aware of my feelings for awhile. But the unknown factor…the factor that bugs me the most…how will she respond? How will she react? What will be her first words after I let these feelings and emotions flow off my tongue? Will this be the conclusion or just the beginning? Is she really… the One?
For now, only God knows…and soon I will find out.
“….You can’t control your emotions, but you CAN control your actions. Act wisely.” -Blue
It is time. I can’t run from it any longer. I have to face my fear. For months, I hoped I never had to address it. I tried forgetting about it. Failed. I tried keeping my distance. Failed. And now…here I am standing face to face with one of the hardest things I ever have to do… express my feelings.
Funny, huh? My life consists of speaking in front of my peers, to lead, give advice, make hard decisions…doing things others don’t like to do. Yeah…some of that is hard. But compared to expressing your innermost feelings to someone, it’s nothing. You’re vulnerable. That brick wall surrounding your heart is torn down. I think the hardest part of it all is the fact I can’t foresee its conclusion. I’m an analyzer. I like to step back and analyze the whole playing field. Its like chess…I try to stay moves ahead of everyone else. I try to predict their movements, their reactions. I try to think of every possibility. So when its game time, time to face the situation…I’m comfortable. I pretty much thought everything out. I like to think that I thought about their reactions before they did. I analyze for sport. I eliminate all opportunities for surprises. Both feet are grounded and ready for anything. It’s a good feeling…
But when it comes to Love… I think that’s when God really shows his sense of humor. He takes my Logic and tosses it out the window. The same rules don’t apply here. My insight is eliminated. I have no inside information. Its like God blindfolds me, and I’m forced to play in the dark. Hate it. Lol. But at the same time, I can appreciate its mystery. Its eerily exciting. It makes me nervous. I become anxious. And knowing Logic is useless in this arena, I still try to use it. …it sucks.
So now…here I am. The one that usually gives advice, is asking for it. I’m heavy in prayer. Asking God more questions starting with “why?”. Everything happens for a reason. And I’m always trying to figure out what it is. But when it comes to Love…no luck. So…what do you do? What any man in my position would do…face the fear. Live a life with no regrets. I know she knows. I also know she’s been aware of my feelings for awhile. But the unknown factor…the factor that bugs me the most…how will she respond? How will she react? What will be her first words after I let these feelings and emotions flow off my tongue? Will this be the conclusion or just the beginning? Is she really… the One?
For now, only God knows…and soon I will find out.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
The Fear of Happiness
The Origin of Guilt:
What do you want out of life?...
Many of us already know what we want, what we expect, how we want life to be. But how many people truly believe they can achieve it? Often times, I believe the saying "it's too good to be true" is used out of context.
As human beings, we may have a subconscious feeling of guilt. We feel so undeserving of good things because....well, we don't deserve it. We are all born with a sinful nature. The guilt is somewhat a normal feeling. That's the whole point of getting saved, right? To erase that guilt. Give it to God and enjoy His unconditional love. So because of that, it's okay to want or expect good things out of life.
The Bliss:
Through the guilt, through the mess, through the confusion, through the nights of crying out to God for something better....it comes. The thing or person you been waiting for, praying for...comes. Isn't it the most beautiful scariest feeling in the world? Your thoughts are filled with this person every idle moment, your imagination evolves, and you wonder... can it be true? You wonder how you deserve such a blessing, despite the pain you endured and the things you done in the past you may not be proud of. You have a piece of...Happiness. Finally. You have a sense of peace. Its a crazy, unbelievable feeling you thought you would never feel... It's bliss...
The Familiar:
Then, human nature kicks in. That bliss quickly turns into suspicion. That bliss turns into doubt. That bliss turns right back to guilt... I wonder why? Too many times I see people ruin a good thing because of that. Some call it paranoia, some call it foolishness. Personally...it's both. But let's call it what it really is...Fear. The Fear of Happiness...
Fear causes many things. Fear causes many lives to operate in a circle. It's repetitive. It's predictable. The same cycle of jobs, relationships, friends...all in the same cycle. Ignorance is not to blame, because we know better. The only ones that achieve true happiness, are the ones that's brave enough to break the cycle and explore the unexplored. Logically, it would make perfect sense to break the never-ending, unhappy cycle, but most of us don't think logically. People in general will choose Emotions over Logic every time. I call it "playing it safe", but in actuality its not really "safe" at all. It's just predictable. It's familiar, we know what to expect whether it's good or bad. Its like reading a good book and you're comfortable already knowing how it ends. That's one of the reasons why people get back into unhealthy situations. It's predictable.
The Fear:
To be such a "bold" generation, most of us are really cowardly. We're scared. We're scared of the unknown. We're scared to live...LIFE. We're scared of a challenge. We're scared to fight for what we really want. Where's the ambition? Where's the drive? Where is our PRIDE? To get what we really want and accept it all in its abundance?
Many people get married, lead successful careers, live and die, never knowing the fullness of Happiness. People expect things to be given. We ask for things we're not able to handle. We expect things to be given. But true happiness is fought for....
Maturity trumps Ignorance every time.
What do you want out of life?...
Many of us already know what we want, what we expect, how we want life to be. But how many people truly believe they can achieve it? Often times, I believe the saying "it's too good to be true" is used out of context.
As human beings, we may have a subconscious feeling of guilt. We feel so undeserving of good things because....well, we don't deserve it. We are all born with a sinful nature. The guilt is somewhat a normal feeling. That's the whole point of getting saved, right? To erase that guilt. Give it to God and enjoy His unconditional love. So because of that, it's okay to want or expect good things out of life.
The Bliss:
Through the guilt, through the mess, through the confusion, through the nights of crying out to God for something better....it comes. The thing or person you been waiting for, praying for...comes. Isn't it the most beautiful scariest feeling in the world? Your thoughts are filled with this person every idle moment, your imagination evolves, and you wonder... can it be true? You wonder how you deserve such a blessing, despite the pain you endured and the things you done in the past you may not be proud of. You have a piece of...Happiness. Finally. You have a sense of peace. Its a crazy, unbelievable feeling you thought you would never feel... It's bliss...
The Familiar:
Then, human nature kicks in. That bliss quickly turns into suspicion. That bliss turns into doubt. That bliss turns right back to guilt... I wonder why? Too many times I see people ruin a good thing because of that. Some call it paranoia, some call it foolishness. Personally...it's both. But let's call it what it really is...Fear. The Fear of Happiness...
Fear causes many things. Fear causes many lives to operate in a circle. It's repetitive. It's predictable. The same cycle of jobs, relationships, friends...all in the same cycle. Ignorance is not to blame, because we know better. The only ones that achieve true happiness, are the ones that's brave enough to break the cycle and explore the unexplored. Logically, it would make perfect sense to break the never-ending, unhappy cycle, but most of us don't think logically. People in general will choose Emotions over Logic every time. I call it "playing it safe", but in actuality its not really "safe" at all. It's just predictable. It's familiar, we know what to expect whether it's good or bad. Its like reading a good book and you're comfortable already knowing how it ends. That's one of the reasons why people get back into unhealthy situations. It's predictable.
The Fear:
To be such a "bold" generation, most of us are really cowardly. We're scared. We're scared of the unknown. We're scared to live...LIFE. We're scared of a challenge. We're scared to fight for what we really want. Where's the ambition? Where's the drive? Where is our PRIDE? To get what we really want and accept it all in its abundance?
Many people get married, lead successful careers, live and die, never knowing the fullness of Happiness. People expect things to be given. We ask for things we're not able to handle. We expect things to be given. But true happiness is fought for....
Maturity trumps Ignorance every time.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
The Ocean: The Unknown
Life is full of surprises. We know that. Only God knows what our future holds. Its exciting but at the same time...its very bothersome. I'm a planner, a hardcore planner. I think I get it from my mom. I don't know. But because of that, I'm not a big fan of surprises. Well...not a big fan of bad surprises. Good surprises brings a big smile on my face, so I love those. :) Anyway...I'm just not a big fan of the unknown. The unknown makes life exciting, but...there's a certain doubt knowing your future is uncertain. More often than usual lately, I find myself really thinking what God has up his sleeve for me. And even more important, who in my life will take part in it.
But the thoughts above are daily workings of my brain. Those are questions I ask everyday. Those are questions that keeps me beneath the surface. And when you're beneath the surface, I believe you stay ahead in life. Deep thoughts take you to deep places. Shallow thoughts doesn't take you anywhere at all. So...for the rest of this post, let's generalize this. Let's call Life, Love, Relationships, Dreams...the Ocean. Just choose one, and let it be your ocean. Let's continue...
I wouldn't say a lot of people in this world are shallow. But I think they like to keep shallow thoughts. And I believe they like to keep shallow thoughts, because its playing safe. And when you're playing safe, its because you want to protect yourself. Basic instinct for all creation is self-preservation, so that's understandable. But...humans have the ability to have aspirations, desires, dreams, goals...happiness. But I really feel many miss the point that Happiness doesn't come easy. It comes with a sacrifice. You have to dive beneath the surface. People have to realize: "To achieve anything great, you must take a risk... "
The quote also applies for Happiness. You must expose yourself. Its a risk to expose your feelings, your thoughts...but its necessary to reach your full potential. I also understand some people been hurt one too many times, and no longer want to take the risk. They are content with staying on the surface.
But for me...living on the surface is boring. It is extremely boring. Diving deep and exploring the depths is so much more rewarding to me. I been to the bottom of the sea. Its beautiful down there. You see, experience and feel things you never felt before. Its a whole new world down there. In this Life, I live for many things. I desire many things and Happiness is one of them. And I understand that I won't find it on the surface.
Don't be afraid. I know things are easier said than done. I also understand that diving can also be dangerous. From past experiences I know that too. Like the stock market...there are risks, some are more dangerous than others. We can only pray for guidance and wisdom that we take the right risks. True, you can avoid hurt, disappointments and everything else negative by staying on the surface, but in the end...you're cheating yourself. Explore the depths...
But the thoughts above are daily workings of my brain. Those are questions I ask everyday. Those are questions that keeps me beneath the surface. And when you're beneath the surface, I believe you stay ahead in life. Deep thoughts take you to deep places. Shallow thoughts doesn't take you anywhere at all. So...for the rest of this post, let's generalize this. Let's call Life, Love, Relationships, Dreams...the Ocean. Just choose one, and let it be your ocean. Let's continue...
I wouldn't say a lot of people in this world are shallow. But I think they like to keep shallow thoughts. And I believe they like to keep shallow thoughts, because its playing safe. And when you're playing safe, its because you want to protect yourself. Basic instinct for all creation is self-preservation, so that's understandable. But...humans have the ability to have aspirations, desires, dreams, goals...happiness. But I really feel many miss the point that Happiness doesn't come easy. It comes with a sacrifice. You have to dive beneath the surface. People have to realize: "To achieve anything great, you must take a risk... "
The quote also applies for Happiness. You must expose yourself. Its a risk to expose your feelings, your thoughts...but its necessary to reach your full potential. I also understand some people been hurt one too many times, and no longer want to take the risk. They are content with staying on the surface.
But for me...living on the surface is boring. It is extremely boring. Diving deep and exploring the depths is so much more rewarding to me. I been to the bottom of the sea. Its beautiful down there. You see, experience and feel things you never felt before. Its a whole new world down there. In this Life, I live for many things. I desire many things and Happiness is one of them. And I understand that I won't find it on the surface.
Don't be afraid. I know things are easier said than done. I also understand that diving can also be dangerous. From past experiences I know that too. Like the stock market...there are risks, some are more dangerous than others. We can only pray for guidance and wisdom that we take the right risks. True, you can avoid hurt, disappointments and everything else negative by staying on the surface, but in the end...you're cheating yourself. Explore the depths...
Sunday, February 22, 2009
My Thoughts...A Letter.
My thoughts…
I spent many daydreams imagining the “perfect” relationship. My mind used to wander and think of everything down to the finest detail. I used to think of everything from the way she looked, the way we would meet, the whole flow of the relationship. I spent many nights talking to God, excited about the woman He had set aside for me. I believe everyone to some extent fears loneliness. I’m a man of solitude but even I have to admit, I have nights when I crave female companionship. Not just any female, but the one God has set aside for me. During those times, I would talk to God like King David spoke to Him…honestly revealing all my thoughts and feelings I’m going through whether it’s good or bad. Sometimes I even wondered if God was listening to me, laughing at me or even thought my feelings were silly. I mean…it wasn’t like I was praying to be a pimp or a manwhore. I was praying (and still am) for a relationship that I believe God wants for every man and woman to experience. And now…I believe He answered that prayer. Of course, all that I imagined didn’t happen but regardless of the circumstances…we met. I believe He led me to you.
For the past couple of months, I been trying to write and outdo any love poem I wrote in the past. I wanted to write the most beautiful poem you have ever read. I was holding myself to such a high standard, that nothing I wrote was good enough. I just couldn’t do it. So I figured I was trying too hard. I decided to keep it simple and easy to understand, instead of writing the biggest metaphors I wouldn’t even understand.
We have not known each other for very long. Love isn’t a word either of us takes lightly. Love takes time and I believe you understand that. I do believe however that the direction we’re going is leading us to it. I look forward to exploring the depths and experiencing a relationship beyond my wildest dreams. I pray everyday for you, me, this relationship, the future and for the wisdom and guidance to be the man God desires me to be and the man I need to be to ensure this relationship is a success. I have made mistakes in the past I vowed I would never do again. I spent years learning, training for this moment…for you.
I just want you to understand…I been dreaming about you for years. For years…I sat up in my bed, thinking of you. For years, I laid in the grass in the middle of the night wondering what you were doing. Wondering if you were wondering about me. I’m a Dreamer. In a morally dead society, I do believe dreams come true. Many may think I’m foolish, but I believe in true Love. I believe it can be achieved and I hope you do too. During the short time I’ve known you, I enjoyed every bit of you.
You are my Queen. I look at you and see the sexiest being I ever laid eyes on. You’re a down-to-earth, cool, selfless, committed, driven individual. You believe in me and my dreams, and I appreciate that. I don’t take that for granted. You make me smile. I love your laugh. The way you hug me tightly. Your cooking. Your delicious lips…your kiss and so much more.
There’s so much I want to share and want you to understand. You can believe by the time I finish writing this, I would have dissected every word, every line before this reaches your delicate hands. At the end of this, I want you to know that my thoughts of you transcend all languages. No words could ever translate my feelings for you….
I spent many daydreams imagining the “perfect” relationship. My mind used to wander and think of everything down to the finest detail. I used to think of everything from the way she looked, the way we would meet, the whole flow of the relationship. I spent many nights talking to God, excited about the woman He had set aside for me. I believe everyone to some extent fears loneliness. I’m a man of solitude but even I have to admit, I have nights when I crave female companionship. Not just any female, but the one God has set aside for me. During those times, I would talk to God like King David spoke to Him…honestly revealing all my thoughts and feelings I’m going through whether it’s good or bad. Sometimes I even wondered if God was listening to me, laughing at me or even thought my feelings were silly. I mean…it wasn’t like I was praying to be a pimp or a manwhore. I was praying (and still am) for a relationship that I believe God wants for every man and woman to experience. And now…I believe He answered that prayer. Of course, all that I imagined didn’t happen but regardless of the circumstances…we met. I believe He led me to you.
For the past couple of months, I been trying to write and outdo any love poem I wrote in the past. I wanted to write the most beautiful poem you have ever read. I was holding myself to such a high standard, that nothing I wrote was good enough. I just couldn’t do it. So I figured I was trying too hard. I decided to keep it simple and easy to understand, instead of writing the biggest metaphors I wouldn’t even understand.
We have not known each other for very long. Love isn’t a word either of us takes lightly. Love takes time and I believe you understand that. I do believe however that the direction we’re going is leading us to it. I look forward to exploring the depths and experiencing a relationship beyond my wildest dreams. I pray everyday for you, me, this relationship, the future and for the wisdom and guidance to be the man God desires me to be and the man I need to be to ensure this relationship is a success. I have made mistakes in the past I vowed I would never do again. I spent years learning, training for this moment…for you.
I just want you to understand…I been dreaming about you for years. For years…I sat up in my bed, thinking of you. For years, I laid in the grass in the middle of the night wondering what you were doing. Wondering if you were wondering about me. I’m a Dreamer. In a morally dead society, I do believe dreams come true. Many may think I’m foolish, but I believe in true Love. I believe it can be achieved and I hope you do too. During the short time I’ve known you, I enjoyed every bit of you.
You are my Queen. I look at you and see the sexiest being I ever laid eyes on. You’re a down-to-earth, cool, selfless, committed, driven individual. You believe in me and my dreams, and I appreciate that. I don’t take that for granted. You make me smile. I love your laugh. The way you hug me tightly. Your cooking. Your delicious lips…your kiss and so much more.
There’s so much I want to share and want you to understand. You can believe by the time I finish writing this, I would have dissected every word, every line before this reaches your delicate hands. At the end of this, I want you to know that my thoughts of you transcend all languages. No words could ever translate my feelings for you….
Late-Night Thoughts...
Before I crash tonight...just want to get some thoughts off my chest.
I just wanted to send a reminder.... There are two types of people in this world: The ones that chase dreams...and the ones that give up and die. Seriously think...which one are you?
Life is hard. Happiness is not something that's given. For years, I wondered why I suffered so much crap from this world. Sometimes...it was my fault. I didn't know how to let certain things or people go. But other times...I realize it was all divine training. God was training me and molding me...and He still is. His kingdom is an inheritance. But what king gives an inheritance without proper training? Getting saved is only the beginning. Even the devil believes in God. But the real fun begins on your path to spiritual maturity.
Throughout this life, I meet many people. I meet many many people that start things, dreams, endeavors, ideas...whatever you want to call them, but never finish. They never get it done. But why? Lack of passion? yes. Lack of drive? yes. But I know why people don't finish. The real question is...what were they thinking? What was the thought process when they decided to simply...stop chasing this bright idea? This big vision that they had? Even better question...how is life after burying the dream? Are they aware that they're walking dead? Is there a sense of un-fulfillment? Gots to be.
Everybody wants to be happy, but too many looking for Happiness to be handed to them...without work, sacrifice, pain. How selfish are we really?
Me personally...I go to bed thinking...why is God keeping me alive to see another day? I'm not living to satisfy myself and my desires. I'm alive to fulfill a will...God's Will. His will of spreading his love and changing the world one person at a time. Being a blessing to someone. ....when was the last time you blessed someone? Or are you one of the ones that's always looking out for self and not others.
just a 24hr. note. goodnight.
I just wanted to send a reminder.... There are two types of people in this world: The ones that chase dreams...and the ones that give up and die. Seriously think...which one are you?
Life is hard. Happiness is not something that's given. For years, I wondered why I suffered so much crap from this world. Sometimes...it was my fault. I didn't know how to let certain things or people go. But other times...I realize it was all divine training. God was training me and molding me...and He still is. His kingdom is an inheritance. But what king gives an inheritance without proper training? Getting saved is only the beginning. Even the devil believes in God. But the real fun begins on your path to spiritual maturity.
Throughout this life, I meet many people. I meet many many people that start things, dreams, endeavors, ideas...whatever you want to call them, but never finish. They never get it done. But why? Lack of passion? yes. Lack of drive? yes. But I know why people don't finish. The real question is...what were they thinking? What was the thought process when they decided to simply...stop chasing this bright idea? This big vision that they had? Even better question...how is life after burying the dream? Are they aware that they're walking dead? Is there a sense of un-fulfillment? Gots to be.
Everybody wants to be happy, but too many looking for Happiness to be handed to them...without work, sacrifice, pain. How selfish are we really?
Me personally...I go to bed thinking...why is God keeping me alive to see another day? I'm not living to satisfy myself and my desires. I'm alive to fulfill a will...God's Will. His will of spreading his love and changing the world one person at a time. Being a blessing to someone. ....when was the last time you blessed someone? Or are you one of the ones that's always looking out for self and not others.
just a 24hr. note. goodnight.
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