Scenario: Love or Logic

Scenario: Love or Logic

“….You can’t control your emotions, but you CAN control your actions. Act wisely.” -Blue


It is time. I can’t run from it any longer. I have to face my fear. For months, I hoped I never had to address it. I tried forgetting about it. Failed. I tried keeping my distance. Failed. And now…here I am standing face to face with one of the hardest things I ever have to do… express my feelings.

Funny, huh? My life consists of speaking in front of my peers, to lead, give advice, make hard decisions…doing things others don’t like to do. Yeah…some of that is hard. But compared to expressing your innermost feelings to someone, it’s nothing. You’re vulnerable. That brick wall surrounding your heart is torn down. I think the hardest part of it all is the fact I can’t foresee its conclusion. I’m an analyzer. I like to step back and analyze the whole playing field. Its like chess…I try to stay moves ahead of everyone else. I try to predict their movements, their reactions. I try to think of every possibility. So when its game time, time to face the situation…I’m comfortable. I pretty much thought everything out. I like to think that I thought about their reactions before they did. I analyze for sport. I eliminate all opportunities for surprises. Both feet are grounded and ready for anything. It’s a good feeling…

But when it comes to Love… I think that’s when God really shows his sense of humor. He takes my Logic and tosses it out the window. The same rules don’t apply here. My insight is eliminated. I have no inside information. Its like God blindfolds me, and I’m forced to play in the dark. Hate it. Lol. But at the same time, I can appreciate its mystery. Its eerily exciting. It makes me nervous. I become anxious. And knowing Logic is useless in this arena, I still try to use it. …it sucks.

So now…here I am. The one that usually gives advice, is asking for it. I’m heavy in prayer. Asking God more questions starting with “why?”. Everything happens for a reason. And I’m always trying to figure out what it is. But when it comes to Love…no luck. So…what do you do? What any man in my position would do…face the fear. Live a life with no regrets. I know she knows. I also know she’s been aware of my feelings for awhile. But the unknown factor…the factor that bugs me the most…how will she respond? How will she react? What will be her first words after I let these feelings and emotions flow off my tongue? Will this be the conclusion or just the beginning? Is she really… the One?

For now, only God knows…and soon I will find out.